Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
