She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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