I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
