Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
