Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
