ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
