Whod you bang
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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