I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
