every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
