...so i touched it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
