So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
