just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
