He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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