Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
