Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
