Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
