Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
