Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize