Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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