he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
