I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
