so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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