grandma shit on top of the toilet
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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