I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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