I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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