and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
