Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
