the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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