Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
