we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
