she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
