I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
