You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
