i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
