I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
