On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
