Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You are the jesus of drinking
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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