happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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