My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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