it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
