You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
