I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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