Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
