i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i think my cat just said my name.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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