Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
