Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
