Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
