after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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