He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
