dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
