Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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