Who wears a wallet chain?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
did i walk over a car last night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
